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Its All In The Smile

by Sage

I get asked often at meetings “How did you find out about Rena?” My husband told me and the next question is “how?” people seem to be looking for a magic formula on how to tell your wife. They want to tell their wife but they want to be sure to end up with an accepting wife not a divorce. Each person has to tell their Significant other in their own time and way. This is just to explain how my hubby did.

To set the stage, we have been married for thirty three years, three grown children and four grandchildren (now five). We live in a lovely small town where you can’t get away with much without starting the rumor mill. We have lived on our farm for the past twenty nine years, raised bunnies, chickens and goats. He has his own business and I stayed “home” for the first fifteen years with the children and then took jobs around the children�s schedule, now I have a decent full time job so I bring in the benefits and a small pittance, he brings in the real money.

My fist reaction was “Thank God this I can work with� we have a very good life but my husband was seriously suffering with depression, winter was the worst, not working, not doing anything, sad, tense. You see, his dad had died on his fifty birthday, hubby had decided that he would to, well that day came and went; he was still alive, OK, now what was he going to do? He had purged almost all of his fem stuff just left a very small bag, one wig, one dress, two pair heels; he didn’t want anyone to find the stuff after he died.

After much resistance on his part we had finally gotten a computer nothing special just a hand-me-down from my brother. Hubby didn’t want that thing in his house. I wanted to communicate with our oldest son who was based in Germany at the time. Hubby started really getting into it, then he upgraded to a gaming computer. He was using flight simulator, spending hours and hours on it. I was happy that he seemed to be better, very distracted but I worried less. Now it turns out that he was not spending all that much time “flying” but spending lots of time on Crossdresssers.com and a few other sites finding out the answers to questions he had his whole life.

It turns out that he was not the only man in the world with a little duffel bag and a secret. There are lots and lots of them out there. Even the terms were different he wasn’t a transvestite or a freak, he was a cross dresser, OK now that sounds better.

The Lovely ladies on the site whom I will be forever grateful to, told him that he needs to tell me and how, choose a day when not much is going on, do it in drab, just tell the truth. So I came home from work and he says “Honey, we need to talk, did you take your blood pressure pill today? I have something to tell you”, I was standing by the stove getting ready to start supper and he says “I’m a cross dresser.”

Now first your mind goes blank, what? Did I hear him correctly? What’s a crossdresser?

So he starts to slowly explain. Then I ask the question that haunts me that I ever asked Him, “Are you gay?” “No.” about that time I started to breathe again.

Now he’s still talking, I was hearing most of what he was saying but truthfully it was very noisy in my head. In the next few days I asked all of the questions that any wife would and ran the gamut of emotions. At one point in the first evening I gave him jewelry from his mother, a lovely pink cameo. He gave me papers that he had printed off of Dixie Darling’s site and a few others then we got on Crossdressers.com so I could do some reading, I would read for ten minutes ask twenty question and then read some more. I am honestly and truthfully grateful to God that hubby told me what was going on in his little cranium. Now I could start to put the pieces of the puzzle together.

To get on Crossdresser.com you need a name so now that I “knew” what was going on I chose Sage which means to know. Of course in the past year the more I “learn” the less I know and I sort of wish I had gone with his suggestion of Isis but I really can’t change it now.

After I thought about what he did I truly think he is the bravest person I know, this wonderful person ran in to burning buildings when any normal person would run the other way but I bet he would tell you that telling me his secret was a whole lot harder than that. Now I’m not going to tell you that unburdening himself has been a magic pill that made everything better. We talked and talked and then we talked some more, I cried a little, I got mad a little, I got mean … very little.

I thought we had always been honest with each other and a lot of my allusions have been shattered, how could he lie so well to me? When will the next shoe drop? He says he�s CD not TS but what if he really don�t know yet? How could I be so stupid? So blind? What will happen if the kids find out? Will they not allow us to see the grandchildren?

I decided to make up for some of the “things” he had been missing so Rena had her first “real Fem Christmas” After all the years of getting singing fish or red plaid hunting shirts I was going to give him the �stuff� that he really wanted. What I was really doing was replacing all of his makeup and skin care products. I was horrified that anyone would put on two year old mascara and decade old lipstick. He had worn the same wig for almost twenty years and it had never been washed, “Rena One” got a good bath and was styled, it looked a whole lot better but the poor dear has been replaced. He and I went to the wig shop where she was originally purchased and “got one for me” (?) then we found the internet, Rena has a dozen to choose from now. She has also gone from a small duffel bag to a small walk in closet. With her very busy social calendar she really does need an extensive wardrobe. We go to twice monthly meetings at Connecticut Outreach Society, Girls Night Out at Triangles, have gone over to friends homes and just this past month to a banquet in a hotel, her first out with real people event.

The question still has not been answered, why do I accept, condone, embrace, enjoy, and participate? The answer is simply because I love him and the chance to see that soft sweet smile that lights up not only her face but her eyes make it all worth it.


1. Rena Shelton - May 27, 2008

Just Me, I am coming out to my two daughters on Friday 5/30/08 and I’m using your wonderful site as well as others for paperwork, Please Pray Tina it goes as well as yours did, if I don’t have a heart attack between now and then LOL Nervous no not me!!! LOL

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