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The Shore March 31, 2008

Posted by Tina Simmons in transgender.
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Let me flow into the ocean,
Let me get back to the sea.
Let me be stormy and let me be calm,
Let the tide in, and set me free.

Drowned by Pete Townshend


I’ve come up with an analogy that I think best describes my relationship with my gender issues (my therapist also likes it as well). I’m sure it’s not original, but it seems to work for me.

I’m thinking of masculine (male) as land and feminine (female) as water. For most people, they are either inland or at sea, far enough away from the other that they think about these distinctions for themselves – they are just rock or water.

Then there’s the shore, where they meet. It makes up a small percentage of the surface. To me, that feeling of femininity, of womanhood, comes rolling in various strengths, sometimes crashing in with great force, and other times it’s more quiet and subtle, but then it leaves and I am left with this odd masculine feeling (odd because it sometimes has that wetness – that feeling of being touched by the feminine in it). Sea levels change (such as the tide, or other events), and the rate, distance, or time of the different gender feelings change as well.

Sometimes we try to build seawalls to keep the water out or at least at a manageable level – trying to prevent the sea from eroding the land. You have to put a lot of work to keep the seawall whole, though, otherwise it will eventually break down and the sea will come crashing in, possibly farther and deeper than you can imagine.

Major changes can also cause the shore to change – such as global warming or a tectonic plate shift causing the shore to raise up. And you are now either inland or at sea.

I am the beach.